Hi beautiful human,
Oftentimes, our struggle around safe sexual experiences is rooted in a secret developmental history of emotional neglect.
Yep — the early childhood experiences we had of either receiving the interpersonal nourishment we needed, or not, wires us into embodied expectations around what’s normal…
For example, when our caretakers denied, downplayed, diminished or ignored our physical or emotional needs, we might’ve learned through osmosis to either deny them ourselves, embrace them with deviance or be hyper self-reliant around getting them met…
Having a regulated relationship to knowing, expressing and receiving our needs can be incredibly hard — foreign feeling, even.
Which is why it’s so common for many of us to instead end up in sexual experiences that mirror our developmental experience of our feelings and needs not mattering.
As adults who are wanting healthy, nourishing and fulfilling sex lives, beginning to identify our needs and leaning into the vulnerability of voicing them… is central.
Do you know what physical safety feels like for you in a relationship? How about in bed?
Do you know what emotional safety feels like for you — in a relationship and in bed?
Identifying what you need in order to feel safe is the first step to truly fulfilling sex. Voicing your needs is the second. And then, of course, mmmm… receiving. ❤️
Some things that make meeee feel safe in bed:
- Easy communication before, during & after anything sensual
- Body praise & worship
- Mutual emotional admiration and respect
- Sharing STD statuses with new partners & using condoms
- Trusting I feel comfortable enough to pause if needed
- Trusting they’ll honor my pause
- Feeling free and encouraged to be wild or tender or sad or soft or totally rolling in ecstasy
Here are some things awesome peeps from Instagram shared:
What about you?? Feel free to comment below and let me know!
You are allowed to *need things* in bed! And in life.
Also, I did an Insta story that I’ve saved to my profile that you can watch to learn more about the overlap between developmental neglect and sexual exploitation. I received soooo many messages from people saying it helped them in immense ways.
Remember… the smallest doable step is a wonderful place to start when it comes to reblooming after trauma.
In this case, identifying your physical and emotional safety needs might be the perfect little step.
Sending you so much trust and care wherever you are on the journey!
PS – Feel free to pre-order ReBloom right here if you haven’t already. The depth with which I cover this topic is grand. 8/8 publish! xo