Is it me or is it my trauma?

“How do I know if I like it because I LIKE it… or if I like it because that’s what was done to me when I was a kid?” “How do I know what my original turn on’s were… you know, before that imprint of trauma fucked with me?” “What do I do if I can’t do that sexual act because it triggers a past trauma… but I really want to be able to?!”

Hey loves, I have good and bad news. Let’s start with the bad news: this isn’t simple territory. Neurons that fire together (fear + pleasure, confusion + pleasure, coercion + pleasure, sexuality + dissociation) do tend to wire together. Which is why when we’ve had developmental, complex or sexual trauma, we can get into things that aren’t good for us… or stray heartbreakingly far from the source of our greatest sensual safety, fulfillment and bliss.

The good news – great news – is we’re not fixed humans. Neuroplasticity is REAL. Earned-secure attachment happens. Post-traumatic growth – in sex, love and intimacy – are 100% possible. I’m living proof. My clients are living proof.
So… how do you know what’s “you” versus what’s “your trauma”? How do you get back to your roots?

Again… the answer isn’t so simple.

Because post-traumatic growth isn’t about going back to some illusive “before” time of virginal innocence or purity. It’s about incorporating ALL of who you’ve always been with who you’ve now become to discover your most updated authentic eroticism.

You’ve always been sensitive, and now you’re more discerning, too.
You’ve always been sweet as fuck, and now you’re also into spice.
You’ve never liked that one thing that triggers you, and you still don’t – but now you own your dislike without shame or fear that you’re supposed to be any other way.
You’ve always been on the sexual orientation spectrum, and while before you used to question if it was because of that thing that happened, now you embrace your range of capacity for love as a superpower.
You’ve always been into older dudes, but now you get that power-play is really the kink – and you embrace it… with or without the age-spread.

You feelin’ me?
It might be your trauma… or it might be your evolutionary edge.

What’s your sense?


LET’S REBLOOM TOGETHER — There’s still space to join me March 29, 30 and 31st at my little brown house by the sea in San Diego.

How do we honor our need for security without following a misaligned path of competitive isolation? How do we grow our abundance together and sustainably? How do we support each other’s thriving? How do we get off tech and into shared spaces where our solidarity can root down and our care can extend into felt-sense giving and receiving?

We’re living the questions together for 3 days. Because I don’t have all the answers and I know tryina figure it out alone would just be perpetuating the problem.

Read THIS post for more context and go right HERE for the FAQs. The workshop is $333. This isn’t about makin’ cash money. It’s about being together. If money is a barrier, let us know. We’ll work with you, 100%.

Love you people tons.

Thanks for being here.



One Comment on “Is it me or is it my trauma?”

  1. As I sit in my silent space this morning and look at the places I am going and the healing g through every blog every counseling session I do and also my own space in meditation a walk just any thing that gives me that feeling of being grounded and the knowing that the teacher is here because I have called it. I love your work and listening to your interview this morning from a sad but yet rejuvenating space has given me Hope. Thank you and I look forward to being able to afford your work one day!

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