Freeeeee embodied trust meditation!
“I trust myself,” she told me with a look of bewildered joy and steady strength. “Not just intellectually… but viscerally.”
Then she paused and cocked her head at me as if I was some kinda witch.
I chuckled. “We’ve been practicing this the last five months,” I reassured her. “I’m not a magician, you know, just good at helping you listen and follow your body’s deepest needs and truths.”
She sighed, smiled with shy pride. “Yeah. It’s amazing. I trust myself.”
“It is amazing,” I smiled shyly back. “You’re amazing.”
“Dang! I trust myself! I trust myself! I trust myself!”
She looked like a 5-year-old bouncing there on my big office couch – free, soft, fierce.
I remembered the way her body had braced stiff and uncertain the first time we met; the way intimacy was a grave chance she dare not take if her inner 5-year-old were to ever stay safe.
I remembered the layers of deep freeze that so gently began to melt as week after week we listened, no force needed, to the natural intelligence of her embodied instincts.
The lava that bubbled and billowed over, the fertile ground underneath all that honest heat.
The dream seeds, the slow-growing heart-speak.
The grief, the anger, the shame – that when held and contained within divine loving arms, sang their honest song all the way through and out.
If life and work have taught me anything, it’s that unhealed emotional pain can somaticize, harden, freeze – then wake back up in shooting shouts when something triggering calls it out. It’s easy to go through life with a secret functional freeze running your emotional body.
“Who cares,” functional freeze whispers, “these feelings don’t matter… ugh – they’re so exhausting… just move on.”
Soldiering champion that you are, pro at stuffing the soft stuff and instead doing what’s convenient for others, you listen to the voice of functional freeze, until accidentally, three years later you’re carrying a iceberg of frozen grief, rage, shame you can barely stand to name. Your stomach shuts down, your reproductive organs halt, your heart exhausts at the sight of anyone needing anything.
Deep depletion born of deep denial of need.
How do you get from here to there?
From somaticized ache to free, soft and fierce – the kind of safety and self-trust born of deep listening and responsiveness to self?
Well, there’s no quick and easy path, but there are small and doable practices that can build a beautiful momentum of health when done over time.
Here’s one of my favorites:
I’ve made it as a gift to you because while self-trust is not always a simple path, small practices make a big difference.
Just ask my client –
The first month of our working together, I invited her to turn on this audio meditation once a day, 5 days a week. She didn’t even have to “do” it – just press play.
She told me over and over again that that small practice laid a foundation for the biggest change in her body. That she began moving through the world more connected to her truth, needs and limits, and was more able to honor them in just one week’s time.
If your heart is hungry to know the kind of care that protects and prioritizes your sweet, sacred self – perhaps give yourself the gift of 10 minutes tuning into this small practice.
Because despite the belittling voice of functional freeze, your feelings matter, and maybe, just maybe, in small doable ways, you can be with them ’til they sing-cry-nap-sigh their way out.
No force. Just a gentle invite.
To feeling free, soft and fierce evermore.